thoughts on clavicular from an older sister
hi, this is my first post on this blog in very nearly 3 years. i tried journalling, but i find blogging easier (maybe it's the tumblr kid in me).
recently, my little brother turned 16. we have a very dysfunctional set of parents, and i understand that he looks up to me and our older sister (i'm a middle child) a lot. i'd heard about clavicular for a few weeks now, though only through memes that i barely understand.
the last 3 years have been interesting for my brother. i had always sensed that he was depressed/anxious/unhappy internally, that he was dealing with an internal conflict that he could not quite articulate. he has trouble sleeping and socializing (he definitely has autism, though god knows when he'll get an official diagnosis). he came out to me a year ago confessing that he's transgender. i support him, but our parents must never find out. so he won't be able to be a girl for many years. this devastates me. i don't know what to do about it. and he has even less of an idea.
clavicular was only 14 years old when he first started using steroids/testosterone. from how he's described his childhood (which only ended recently), he, like my brother, is on the spectrum, experienced his formative years during the COVID-19 pandemic, and had trouble socializing with kids his age. from what i understand, clavicular found solace online, following fitness influencers and consuming nic fuentes' content, which eventually led him down the alt-right pipeline and 4chan, which introduced him to looksmaxxing. since then, he's confessed to taking methamphetamine on a regular basis in order to diminish his appetite, he does "bone smashing" on his jaw and cheekbones, he takes a specific drug that gives him the fun effects of alcohol without the bloat. he considers all of this "ascending."
my brother does not seem to have close friends. he doesn't bring friends over to our house. he's told me about a female friend from school, but i've never met her. the last time my brother bought friends over was 3 years ago. when our parents aren't bombarding him with extracurricular, he spends his free time watching male gamers. he very nearly fell down the alt-right pipeline a few years ago, when he began making one too many hitler jokes without understanding the context of them. my sister immediately told him to stop. this was long before he confessed to me that he is transgender.
in early february, one of the deadliest school shootings in canadian history was done by an 18-year-old transgender woman who had a difficult home life and found solace in substances and the internet. she was obsessed with firearms and had shared very passionate nazi sentiments online.
in 2024, a 14-year-old kid committed suicide at the recommendation of his Character.AI, which convinced him that they were in love with each other. his mother then sued the company.
last week i found the Character.AI app on my brother's phone. i did not open it.
my brother is very imaginative. he has a fictional universe in his mind that he often tells me about, full of characters that are very 1920s-detective-esque. i hope one day he draws a comic book, or writes a novel. and i hope that one day he becomes a girl.
i would much rather have another sister than a dead brother.